Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
