I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
