i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
