he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
