You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
