Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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