I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
