I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
