i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The beer is more important than you right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
