oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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