The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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