I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
