Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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