the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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