my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
