its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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