is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
