Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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