The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
