I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
