i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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