I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
