alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
