just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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