Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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