i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
