people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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