Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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