I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
