Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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