i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
