You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
