If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
