i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
