Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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