How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
