I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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