Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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