the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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