Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
