i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
