meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
