Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
