In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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