Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
