I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
