I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
