When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
