Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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