Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
