OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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