I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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